


"Please, No More"

by anything_for_armin



Series: Being A Titan Is Hard [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse Of Commas And Long Ass Sentences (Sorry About That), Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Armin Arlert Needs a Hug, Does This Even Count As Heavy Angst?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eren Yeager Is Seriously Going To Fucking Lose It, Fuck The Military Police, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so sorry for this, It Starts Off Okay And Then Gets Horrible, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References To Being Ravished Against A Tree, The Hurt/Comfort Comes Later I Promise, Torture, Waterboarding, eventually, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 05:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30117783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anything_for_armin/pseuds/anything_for_armin
Summary: The very second he was strapped to that god-awful chair, Armin Arlert vowed to himself he wouldn't break. He wouldn't break, no matter what they did to him, no matter what happened. He had to protect his friends, had to protect his superiors, had to protectEren, and he'd handle whatever pain these sick fucks had in store for him if it meant they'd stay safe. Even if he were to die in the process.---It had been a week since Armin Arlert had gone missing. A week since they'd lost sight of him during a mission. A week since they realized he wouldn't be coming back.Eren prayed he wasn't dead.Armin just prayed the pain would stop soon.!TW FOR TORTURE AND INJURY!
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager
Series: Being A Titan Is Hard [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2176785
Comments: 30
Kudos: 77





	1. Break

**Author's Note:**

> !TW FOR TORTURE AND INJURY!
> 
> I fucking hate this so much. That's all. That's all I have to say. But it took me like six hours so I'm just gonna say fuck it and post this piece of trash. I hate writing gruesome shit but this idea just wouldn't leave my head so I guess you guys are just gonna have to deal with it. I promise the comfort part of the hurt/comfort will come soon I'm just exhausted.
> 
> Also, I've decided that this work is going to be a part of the "Being A Titan Is Hard" series because the fact that Armins' body can heal itself kinda impacts the story.
> 
> !ALSO FOR SOME REASON I FEEL THE NEED TO SAY THIS (yes, again) BUT I DO NOT OWN ATTACK ON TITAN OR ANYTHING RELATED TO IT (apart from this work ofc) I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS MENTIONED, AND ALL CREDITS GO TO HAJIME ISAYAMA AND HONESTLY IDK IF I EVEN NEED TO MENTION THIS BUT ALL ANIMATION CREDITS GO TO WIT STUDIO AND MAPPA!

Armin Arlert was usually perfectly fine with mission briefings. In fact, one might say he almost enjoyed them. He enjoyed the way every single piece of the plan fell into place, the way they had back up plans just in case something went wrong, the way every single person had an important role in the plan. Most of all, Armin enjoyed when he received praise when it was _his_ plan they were going over, loved the feeling of being useful.

This time, however, Armin didn't find any joy in being huddled around the Captain as he explained the plan thoroughly, making sure he missed not a singular detail. What was causing his sudden drop in enthusiasm? Well, it might've been the fact that they were in the middle of nowhere, huddled around a tree stump instead of a table, and were wanted in multiple districts. Maybe it was the dark surroundings, the absence of light, or even the feeling of breaking the law. Maybe it was even the plan itself, the way it involved them returning to the very district that had issued the command to arrest them if they were seen, or the fact that the plan involved them splitting up, or maybe that the risks of this plan in particular were way too big for the small bit of information they may or may not obtain even if it worked.

Armin had a really bad feeling about this, and he'd learned to trust his gut over the years, but when he spoke up about his fears, the Captain brushed it off as simply anxiety, stating that this plan was crucial and if they succeeded they'd find out who the enemy was and would be able to deal with it appropriately.

What was this ground-breaking plan? Well, it involved the Scouts entering the district near the forest they were currently settled in (the one that Armin had long forgotten its' name), and obtain as much information as possible from eavesdropping on various conversations, both from the civilians and from the Military Police. You see, due to the fact that the Scouts were now seen as breakers of the law that needed to be arrested as soon as possible, the MP had been stationed in each and every district, going as far to even check civilians' homes randomly. The Scouts hoped that maybe if they got lucky, they'd be able to catch hints of conversation, small clues that would help them put things together. They even intended to capture a member of the MP and get them to cooperate if the opportunity was presented to them.

Armin had to admit, getting a person from the MP to cooperate with them would certainly be a great achievement, as would catching helpful snippets of conversation, however the very nature and risk of this plan was simply too much for him. The Captain had brushed him aside, though, and he assumed that Levi, what with all his experience, definitely knew better than him what was a good plan and what wasn't, so Armin pushed his thoughts aside, reassured himself it was just him overthinking again, just him worrying for no reason. The Captain was right - he really was prone to that.

Soon enough, the mission briefing ended, and save from a few questions from Sasha everyone was pretty clear on what was to happen tomorrow. And so, with a nod of dismissal from the Captain, they headed back over to the small camp they had made for tonight, Eren reassuring him that everything was going to be alright tomorrow (seeing as he had noticed Armins' distressed state during the explanation), before everyone dozed off.

Armin tossed and turned for a little, simply unable to shake the horrible feeling that something was going to go incredibly wrong tomorrow, but eventually he succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep as well, his dreams plagued with complications of their mission tomorrow. He didn't get much sleep, shaking awake in a cold sweat what seemed like every hour, so when morning finally came and the Captain ordered him to wake the rest, he found that his eyes seemed to want to close on their own, his vision blurring with tiredness. It seemed that he wouldn't be at his best today, which made him worry all that much more.

Eren seemed to notice his distressed state - as he always did - and made a point of distracting Armin with preparation tasks or small talk, telling him useless things that took his mind off of the great risks their plan posed. Armin had always been grateful for Eren, always appreciated how he noticed every change in his mood and knew exactly how to deal with it. 

Morning preparations went by in a blur, disguises being thrown on and fake backstories being reviewed quietly, Sasha whining about how they were skipping breakfast and Jean smacking Connie because he was "looking at him while he changed", apparently as well as Eren making sure he was alright and "taking his mind off of it", by pinning him to a tree and kissing him until Armin was sure he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen. 

"What the fuck Eren" he breathed as the boy pulled back. He hadn't expected Eren to suddenly start kissing him like it was the last time they'd ever see each other, and it really took him by surprise.

"Just getting your mind off of it _sweetheart_ " he said with a wink.

"By ravishing me against a tree?"

"Yes" Eren said, that annoying smirk he got when he was being stupid forming on his face.

"You're really fucking annoying when you try to flirt with me you know that?"

"Don't pretend like you don't love it"

"I don't. Your face makes me want to slap you"

"Do it then"

Both boys fell silent, both staring at each other as Erens' words hung in the air. After a few seconds of complete silence, Armin started snickering, Eren following suit mere seconds later. It got the point where Armin was doubled over, holding his stomach as it started to hurt from laughing so hard, Eren in nearly the same state. "I think-" Armin started, trailing off as laughs shook his body, "I think that might've just been the stupidest conversation we've ever had".

"No" Eren said, regaining his composure to speak, "the stupidest conversation we've ever had was when Jean stole the wine from the Captains' office and-and you drank way too much and tried to convince me to date you-" he had to stop for a moment, losing it once again, "and that was while we were already dating", he finished, doubling over as he laughed even harder.

"Why would you remind me of that?" Armin managed to squeeze out between snickers, remembering how embarrassed he'd felt when he'd woken up the next morning and Connie had reminded him of the events of the night before.

"Because you threw your arms around me and started singing a cheesy love song and it was fucking hilarious" 

Armin blushed a little at that, remembering how the entirety of the Scout Regiment had teased him for it relentlessly for like, two weeks straight. "It was a good song though" he huffed, crossing his arms in emphasis.

"No it wasn't. You started crying and you also messed up like, half the words"

"It was an emotional time in my life"

"You just can't handle alcohol for shit and you know it"

"Shut the fuck up Eren"

And then they were both laughing again, not even trying to be quiet anymore, and trying their best to regain their composure.

"W-we should probably head back or they're gonna think we got murdered or something" Armin said in between snickers.

"Yeah" Eren agreed, breathing heavily as they both finally calmed down.

They set off back to camp, trying their best not to lose it again as they walked, quickly turning serious as ever when they saw the Captains' infuriated expression.

"Next time you take that long we'll leave without you" he said, his steely gaze practically trying to turn them to stone.

"What were you even doing over there anyway?" Jean asked.

"Each other" Connie snickered before Eren could get a chance to answer.

"We were just talking about Armins' little wine incident" Eren said after shooting Connie a glare.

"Oh yeah. I remember that one, didn't he-" Connie was cut off as Armins' hand smacked over his mouth, muffling anything he was saying.

"We don't talk about that anymore" he said, his cheeks flaring up in embarrassment.

"Pfft, as if we'd ever let you forget" Eren teased, watching as Armins' face flushed an even deeper shade of red.

"We're leaving so hurry the fuck up" they heard Levi bark at them, each of them heading to their designated horse after shooting him a nod.

The ride toward the district was done in silence, a serious demeanor suddenly falling upon everyone as they each went over the plan in their heads, visualizing each step and reminded themselves what to do during each complication that could possibly arise. It wasn't very long until they reached their destination, only around an hour - maybe two, and before Armin knew it, they were in the city, managing to somehow squeeze past the MP soldiers guarding the gates by attempting to blend in with a large group of travelers. 

The streets were cramped and full of people, making their job all that much easier. More people meant less attention on them, which meant less chance of complications arising. They squeezed through the crowds, keeping their huddled formation for now, watching Levi intently for the signal. Once they had reached the center of the city, he sent them a small nod, barely noticeable unless you were looking for it, and each one of them spread out in a different direction, intending to cover as much area as possible today. Security may not be as lenient tomorrow, so they had to get as much as they could get done as soon as possible.

Armin tried his best to blend in with the civilians, stopping next to various stands and pretending to examine the merchandise, listening to arguments between sellers and buyers, trying his best not to slap a lady who'd started to tell her friend about how she'd always thought the Scout Regiment was a disgrace, as well as attempting to get as close as possible to the MP officers stationed at every corner without arousing suspicion.

He wound through the streets, trying his best to blend in with the crowd and stay near large groups of people, always staying on alert and listening to every conversation his ears could process amongst the loud hustle and bustle of the busy square. He had to admit, it was quite hard not to get distracted. This district was on the side of the wall he had never been to before, and things were quite different here than they were in Shiganshina and the districts near it.

The stands were colorful and vibrant, all kinds of foods and fruits and vegetables stacked in wooden baskets. The toy stands seemed to attract many children, making it a pain for their mothers to drag them away, scolding them in the process. There were stands selling jewelry of all kinds, in all shapes and sizes and colors, and Armin couldn't help but marvel in the way they glinted and shone in the sun. The one that seemed to catch most peoples' eyes, though, was the stand selling clothes. Dresses and skirts and pants of all different fabrics and colors and lengths. If Armin wasn't in the middle of a life-threatening mission just now, he might've considered buying the light blue sweater that hung from the roof of the stand - his own had holes in it and had grown scratchy and uncomfortable over the years, the color fading and the fabric losing its' shine.

But Armin had to focus, had to get as much information as possible from the passersby and the soldiers that he seemed to come across every three seconds, making his heart leap into his throat every time he thought he'd been recognized. He couldn't go back empty handed without information. He just couldn't. Couldn't bear to be thought of as useless, as weak and unable to complete such a simple task as this one.

And so, tearing his eyes away from the beautiful colors, he pointed his gaze back to the ground, resuming his depressing track through the city, stopping occasionally when he heard a conversation that might be of use to him. So far, he hadn't gotten much information, only managing to catch insults about the Scouts that made him want to rip his own hair out in frustration. He found that he couldn't get close to the Military Police soldiers, seeing as how they stared intently at anyone who came within hearing range, sometimes even stopping civilians in order to briefly question them.

It was fine though, he supposed. It was better to come back empty-handed than to get caught by the MP, right? Besides, it wasn't his job to capture one of the soldiers - the Captain had told them to simply focus on trying to get info, and leave the rest to him. 

Suddenly, the crowd started going a little more frantic, people rushing forward a little faster than before. Armin stumbled a little and moved along with everyone else, very confused as to why everyone was in such a hurry. He came to the realization that most of the stands had been ridden of merchandise, their owners closing up and getting ready to get home to their families. There were only a few stalls left open and stocked, and people who had not yet bought all the necessities they may need were now rushing toward them. 

Armin was suddenly pushed to a very narrow alleyway by a man in the crowd. He would've thought it was accident, would've resumed the mission, if not for the smirk the man had sent him as he fell into alleyway, the jostling causing his hood to fall down to reveal his face. He would've believed it was an accident, simply an act of the crowd, if it weren't for the hands that suddenly covered his mouth, carrying him away as kicked and thrashed.

"Mmph, lmme gmmh" he attempted to scream, his words muffled by the strong hands that carried him roughly. He kicked and screamed and thrashed and attempted to scratch - but to no avail. The person dragging him didn't listen, though, so Armin did the only thing he could do in that situation. He bit the hand covering his mouth as hard as he could.

"Fuck!" he heard the man yell as the hand around his mouth let go. The hand around his waist didn't seem to let up, though, and the next thing he knew the mans' hand raised high in the air before smacking him hard across the face. Armins' mouth opened in shock, tears welling in his eyes as the hand left a sharp sting on his left cheek. His captor took his moment of weakness to grab a cloth from his pocket and gag Armin with it, his hand still gripping tightly onto Armins' waist, allowing him no escape. 

Armin tried to scream through his gag, tried to call for help, not caring if he attracted attention, just hoping that maybe someone would hear him, would come and save him. Someone - Jean, Connie, Levi, _anyone_. He continued to try and fight - thrashed around like a fish out of water, scratching at air in hopes his nails would somehow reach his captors' skin, put all his body weight into attempting to shove himself forward and break free.

"You got a fighter over there, huh?" he heard another voice, different from the one of the man that had yelled when he'd bitten him before. _Shit. The man had accomplices. Getting away was going to be harder than he thought_.

"Yeah. The little bitch bit me"

"Pfft, that's a real fighter you got there. The drugs should kick in soon though, so we won't have to worry about him much longer"

 _The fucking WHAT_. Come to think of it, Armins' movements were definitely becoming slow and sluggish. Why was he so tired? Why did he feel like he was gonna pass out? When had the men gotten drugs into him? Who were they? What was going on?

Armins' limbs became heavy, his breathing labored, and before he knew it his vision was spotting, his legs giving one last kick, his arms giving one last swing, before he blacked out, his body growing limp and defenseless. Once the men were sure Armin was completely passed out, they continued to drag him toward the wooden carriage parked right outside the alleyway, throwing his unconscious body onto the floor carelessly before tying his arms and legs together, rendering him unable to move even if he did wake up.

And wake up he did. The first thing he felt as he woke up was the jostling of the carriage, cruelly bouncing him against the hard floor. The next things he noticed were his incredibly dry mouth, the men sitting around him, and his bound hands and legs. It took a few seconds for Armin to fully remember what had happened, everything coming back in pieces. He looked around, trying to see if there was a way to escape, to maybe throw himself against the door and roll out of the vehicle. He quickly concluded that this wouldn't be possible, seeing as how the men - who he now noticed were wearing MP jackets - were surrounding him, blocking off any and all exits. There were six men, as far as he could see. Two dark-haired ones, a blond one, one with an outrageous excuse for a beard, one whose jacket was inside-out, and one who had bite marks on his palm.

"Oh look, he's awake" inside-out sneered, making the others all turn their gaze to Armin. "Don't worry, we're going to have lots of fun with you" he leaned over and whispered into Armins' ear. Have fun with him? What did that mean? What did they plan to do? Kill him? Torture him? Maybe they were going to... No. He couldn't think like that. He doubted they'd attempt to force themselves onto him. They probably wanted information. Information that Armin was not going to give them. Steeling his gaze, he stared right back into the mans' leering brown eyes, making him laugh heartily. "He has no idea what he's in for does he?" he asked, making the rest of his comrades burst out in laughter as well. "Soon, all that fight of yours will be gone. And then... And then we'll kill you in the most painful way possible, and display your corpse right in the center of town, right where your little friends can see you clearly"

Armin couldn't help but shiver in fear at the thought. He'd heard Hanji and Levi torture countless people, had been there when Eren had gotten his limbs cut off (sure, that was an experiment, but it could easily be classified as a torturous act). He remembered their screams of terror, of pain, remembered how they'd begged and pleaded for mercy, remembered the state they were in when they finally broke. He wasn't keen to experience any of this himself, especially not with any sick methods the MP may have. He suddenly cursed his titan abilities, knowing they'd be much less careful once they found out he could heal himself, subjecting him to painful procedures over and over again.

The rest of the ride went by in silence, Armin letting out small grunts of pain whenever the carriage hit a bump in the road, causing his body to jostle and bump into things painfully. He was sure that by now he had about a billion bruises on his body - if not more. Around an hour and a half later, the carriage stopped, and one of the dark-haired men leaned over and fastened a blindfold over his eyes before lifting him up and roughly dragging him toward... well he didn't really know. It wasn't really like he could see. After a few minutes of stumbling around after the man, his blindfold was lifted and he was presented with a pristine, white room. It was very different from the torture shed they had back at HQ, all kinds of tools and tables with straps making his eyes widen in fear.

He was brought forward and practically thrown on the chair in the center of the room, his arms and legs immediately being strapped down. His heart was practically beating out of his chest, his breathing quickened and panicked and the gag most certainly did not help with that. He saw no way to escape, he was overpowered and strapped down - there was no way out of this. He panicked even more as he came to this realization, as he realized that all he could do was sit down and take and try not to break. He hoped he wouldn't break. No - he _vowed_ he wouldn't break. No matter what they did to him here, no matter what kind of sick methods or ghastly injuries they inflicted upon him, he wouldn't tell them anything. He had to keep his comrades safe, keep his superiors safe, keep _Eren_ safe. And so, he blinked back the tears in his eyes, steeled his face so as not to show any kind of emotion (he wouldn't want to give anything away with his expression, would he?), and braced himself for whatever was to come.

"I think we'll start off easy, warm you up a little bit, what do you say?" the leering voice asked him from behind. "You don't really need your fingernails now, do you? Maybe we should get rid of them, hm?"

Armin closed his eyes and braced himself as he felt the metal pliers grab the nail on his pointer finger. He gasped as he was met with yet another slap to the face, the second one today.

"No" the man, who had now moved in front of him, said. "You will keep your eyes open, and you will watch. Unless you want us to move on to the better methods already? Are you really that eager?"

Armin, still trying to recover from the slap across the face, opened his eyes, staring at the man before him with a look of pure hatred. And then, just as he moved his gaze toward his hand, his nail was ripped off. For a moment, that was all Armin could focus on. His eyes welled up with tears as unbearable pain suddenly hit him, making him scream so hard his throat hurt. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think, he could only focus on the blood running down his finger and his nail held in between the pliers.

"You really are a feisty one aren't you? People usually start sobbing after the first one..." the man trailed off, and Armin couldn't even bring his eyes up to stare at the man, because before he knew it, it was all happening again. He screamed and cursed and the tears in his eyes started to fall, the only thing registering in his mind right now was how much this hurt. It was horrible, absolutely horrible, the feeling of your nail slowly disattaching from your skin, the blood slowly trickling down. Armin threw his head back, and he _screamed_ , screamed harder than he ever had before, clenching his eyes shut as yet another nail was ripped off of him.

"I'm gonna take off the gag now, and you're gonna tell me where your friends are, and you're also going to tell me where every single one of your hiding spots are... Unless of course you want to continue. We can go on all day if you'd like, and once you're out of nails I have some really nice things for us to do" the man said cheerfully, and Armin couldn't even respond, too occupied with the sheer agony he was currently feeling. As promised, the white cloth was untied and pulled out of his mouth, his sobs echoing in the room.

"Well?" the man said, already attaching the pliers to Armins' nail again.

"F-fuck you" Armin spat, and next thing he knew he was screaming again as the horrible process was continued. 

"You're being so loud. Maybe it's time we put this back on" he heard as the cloth was once again shoved into his dry mouth.

Armin was sobbing so hard it _hurt_ , and his head fell weakly onto his chest as tears splashed onto his pants. His eyes clenched shut and his toes curled and he screamed. He screamed as the pliers were attached to him again and again and again and he wondered how in the world someone could be so cruel as to watch someone be tortured mercilessly and not feel the slightest bit of remorse. He screamed at the feeling of his blood slowly dripping down his hands, screamed as his last nail was pulled off, leaving a white-hot, searing pain behind it. He screamed and cried and screamed again, hoping - no, praying - that someone would come to save him soon. He couldn't think anymore, his heart was beating awfully fast and any coherent thought he had was quickly dismissed by a new wave of pain. He wanted to pass out, oh god, please make him pass out. Make this pain stop, even if just for a moment.

"I'm going to take it off again now. Do you have something to tell us?" the man asked again as he released Armins' tongue from the cloths' hold. Armin didn't even have the energy to speak anymore, his shoulders shaking and his chest heaving. "It seems not. How disappointing. It really is sad to see such a pretty face cry. Oh well", and then the gag was shoved back in his mouth, muffling Armins' sobs once again.

The man was true to his promise, the next method was just as painful and agonizing as the first. A large blade was slowly dragged across his body, leaving small nicks here and there, small droplets of blood leaking from them. But that wasn't where it ended. Soon, the cool blade started cutting deeper, causing Armin to throw his head back again and pray the man wouldn't notice the way his blood evaporated. He screamed harder at a particularly deep cut, one right in the middle of his stomach, hating the feeling of his own blood slowly dripping down his abdomen.

He was crying and screaming, cursing at the man whenever his gag was removed, thrashing around as much as he could given the fact that he was strapped down. His back arched in pain and his toes clenched, hyperventilating as he screamed and cried and babbled incoherent words. What was he even trying to say? He didn't know. As the pain continued, cuts and blood and pain all mixing together into one horrible feeling, his vision started spotting, and the last thing he managed to think was _"thank god"_ before his body fell once again, limp, and bleeding, and wounded.

Armin lost track of the days if he was being honest, wasn't really sure how long it had been since he'd been captured. He seemed to have fallen into a sickly schedule, strapped to a chair or a table as various procedures were preformed on him until he passed out, only to resume the very second he woke up. The only time he'd get rest was what he assumed was nighttime, when the men would leave him, bloody and bruised and sobbing his very soul out, strapped to a chair or a table, returning only a few hours later.

The first few days Armin was sure the Scouts would come save him soon, was sure they'd end this cycle of suffering, but now, as the men left him beaten and screaming for what he was sure had to be the twentieth or twenty-first time, he wasn't all that sure. He'd convinced himself they'd never find him, and once the men went through their god-awful list of torture methods and decided he wasn't going to cooperate they'd be true to their promise and kill him in the most painful way possible.

Day after day after day passed by, and Armin was sure his mind had turned to mush. The only time his tears stopped, the only times his screams and muffled pleas to the universe to just let him die already, was when he slept - and he didn't sleep much. The pain was enough to keep him awake all night, and some point he was so exhausted he found that his eyes closed even as he was being subjected to more of their sickly methods.

Still, Armin didn't break. Didn't break when they insulted him, didn't break when they each took turns beating him black and blue until he was sure he had three broken ribs and couldn't even see anymore because his face had grown all puffy. He didn't break when they found out his body healed itself and stuck needles in his eyes, didn't break when his fingers were cut off, only to be cut off again the very second they grew back, didn't break when hot metal was placed on every part of skin they could reach as he screeched. He cried, and screamed, and even resorted to begging his tormentors to _stop just please stop_ , but he never broke. His tormentors seemed to take a liking to watching him screamed, it seemed to amuse them as he was reduced to a begging pleading mess, nothing registering in his mind other than the sting or the burn or the stab.

He was currently sitting in that chair that he was sure had come straight from hell, his head down. He had no energy to hold it up anymore, no energy to fight. He only had the energy to cry and scream and shake as he was exposed to horrible, horrible pain, again and again and again. His moment of peace didn't last long, though, seeing as how _they_ entered the room, holding a cloth and... a cup?

_Oh shit_

_Oh no_

_Oh god, please, no_

_How the fuck did they know? How did they figure it out?_

How had they managed to figure out that one of his biggest fears was not being able to breathe - in other words, drowning. Armins' biggest fear was drowning, and here he was, about to be fucking _waterboarded_. He thrashed around in his chair, his eyes growing wide and panicked, too scared to even care that the men now knew one of his weaknesses.

"Oh, look at that. Such a pretty reaction. Haven't had anything like that since we jammed needles in his eyeballs" one of them laughed.

"You think this'll finally break him?" another asked.

"I hope so" the first man answered again.

Armin didn't even know what he was doing at this point. He was scared. So, so scared. He knew what waterboarding was, had heard it happen many, many times before. His eyes grew wide and panicked, his heart beating so fast he thought he might just explode. He shook his head, tears already welling in his eyes. _Please no. Not this. Anything but this. I can't. No_. His thoughts were racing and not understandable in the slightest, and he was babbling incoherently again, something along the lines of "please, please no". He was thankful his words were muffled by the gag, didn't want those sick fucks to hear anything of what he was saying.

That didn't last long either, though. The gag was soon removed, and Armin was unstrapped and carried over to the table, being strapped down once again.

"Now, pretty" the man started, and oh how Armin hated that nickname. It felt disgusting to him, and he was sure if anyone ever called him pretty ever again he'd throw up. "You can agree to comply and answer some of our questions, and we won't have to do this. We might even let you see your little friends before we murder you all. It'd be better than dying in here, covered in your own blood, all alone, wouldn't it? So make your choice now, so we can choose how to proceed" the man smiled as he spoke, and Armin vaguely wondered how in the world someone could smile while doing such a despicable thing.

"I'd rather fucking die" he spat, his voice incredibly hoarse from all he'd put it through the last few days.

"How in the world do you still have so much fight in ya, kid?" the man muttered as he sighed, and then the table was suddenly moving, putting Armin in a position where his legs were above his head. "Hold this on his face, make sure it doesn't fall off" the man said as he handed his accomplices the cloth. It was then spread on Armins' face, and for now, he could breathe just fine, but that didn't stop his breathing from becoming fast and labored, his heart beating hard and fast, or how his mind was running so so fast.

The next thing he knew, Armin couldn't breathe. As water was slowly poured over the cloth, every inhale he took was wet and forced water down his throat. The panic set in immediately as he thrashed around, and desperately tried to find oxygen. He didn't manage to do that, and the water filled his nose and mouth, and at some point his throat stopped resisting the water and it started pouring down his throat, filling his lungs with water. It was absolutely horrible, he couldn't breathe, couldn't move, could only thrash around as water entered his lungs painfully and his head spun and snot ran down and at this point he couldn't even stop the crying, the tears running down his face making the feeling even more uncomfortable, his harsh breaths only forcing more water inside of him.

Suddenly, he was brought back into a sitting position, the wet cloth being removed, and he coughed and spat out water as snot ran down his face and he trembled violently. He was crying - _wailing_ even, and he was sure that if this went on he'd surely break. His lungs _ached_ and his head spun and it really really felt like he was actually drowning. As the water kept streaming out of his mouth, all he could think about was Eren. Eren, and why he hadn;t come to save him yet. Eren, and how he would react once he saw the mess Armin had been turned into. Would he hate him? Think he was ugly? Weak?

His thoughts were cut short, however, when the man spoke once again. "That looked absolutely horrible. I'm sure you don't want to go through that again, do you, pretty? So just tell us what we need to know. Just tell us where your friends are, and all their hiding spots. You can do that, right? I promise we won't tell them you told us, and this can all stop, right here, right now. Don't you want that?"

Armin coughed again, expelling even more water, before he turned to the man and shook his head, trying to look strong, though he supposed it failed greatly, seeing as how his eyes were puffy and red with tears and his face was wet and full of snot. He probably looked like a child. Sighing, the man pressed the button to lower the table again, and the cloth was once again secured into place, and then it was all happening again. He was choking, drowning, and he couldn't do anything about it. He wanted it to stop. He wanted Eren to come and save him, and treat the wounds that were too deep for his titan powers to heal, and to tell him he was safe. He wanted to be safe.

Armin didn't break the second time. Or the third. But on the fourth, when he was brought up, he immediately started begging. He promised himself he wouldn't resort to that, that he would stay strong, but everything hurt so fucking bad and he just couldn't take it anymore.

"Please" he sobbed as he was brought back up. "Please stop. Please don't do it again" he said as he coughed out water and tears ran down his face freely. 

"Oh, pretty, I already told you. We can stop if you want to, just tell us what we want to hear and we'll stop everything"

When Armin didn't answer, and the button was pressed once again, he couldn't help but screech. Couldn't help but yell at the top of his lungs.

_"No! Please! Please no more! Please don't... I-I can't, please! Please stop!"_

But it was no use. The water was poured over his face again, and this time, he prayed he'd die, prayed the water would fill up his lungs and end his suffering. He didn't know how long it lasted this time, or the next time if he was being honest, only remembered pleading for all he was worth, begging them not to do it again. They didn't listen.

This time the water was poured over longer than the other times, the stream not stopping even when his lungs burned and his vision started spotting. It didn't stop, and Armin thought maybe their intent was to kill him this time, but then, after a bunch of really loud clattering noises he couldn't quite process while in this state, the stream stopped. He wasn't brought up when the water stopped though, something that confused him greatly. He didn't care anymore, he just sobbed and cried as tears and snot and water all mixed in a nasty fluid that ran down his face. His thoughts weren't even coherent anymore, and he couldn't get words out even if he tried. More clattering sounds. What were they doing? Were they planning to torture him more? Do more than one method at once?

And then, Armin was pleading with them again. "No, wait, please don't do anything. Please. I can't do it- I can't do it anymore. Please stop. Please. I can't take it. It hurts too much, please stop please. Let me go. I promise I won't tell anyone, please just let me go, stop it please. I don't wanna do it again" he rambled, his voice weak and hoarse and cracking at nearly every word.

And then he was being let up, and he thought that maybe his captors had decided to be merciful, but then he saw someone different. He wasn't really sure who it was, seeing as how he fell off the table and onto his knees and started throwing up water the very second he was let up, but he was sure that it wasn't the man he had seen just now.

He threw up more and more water, coughing and sputtering and crying as more and more liquid came out of him. His legs shook, and everything hurt so bad and his head spun and _oh my god one of his wounds was wide open and there was blood leaking on the floor fuck fuck fuck_. It was probably from all the thrashing he had done. How had he not felt it? 

As he coughed up the last of the water and turned his gaze to meet whoever he had seen before, he had never been more relieved in his life. Because that was Eren. Eren had come to save him. It was over. Finally.

He sobbed as he curled in on himself, unable to meet the gazes of his friends. Words were being said, but he couldn't hear any of them, couldn't process anything. The only thing he heard was the sound of his own sobs, the only thing he felt being the warm liquid dripping out of the gaping wound in his stomach, the only thing he could see being the floor, dirtied with blood and water.

He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder and he _shrieked_ , scrambling away until his back hit the wall before curling up into a ball and shrilly screaming "No! No! Don't touch me! No no no no no no no no no..." he trailed off, whispering that one word over and over again. 

"Fuck, Armin" he heard, and he knew Eren was crying. Knew from the sound of his voice that tears were streaming down his cheeks. Armin couldn't care less at the moment, because touch was _dangerous_. Touch was threatening, and painful, and torturous and agonizing. He never wanted to be touched again, wanted to stay curled up in his little ball forever.

"Armin" he heard the Captain speak, and his tone was gentle. Hesitant. Sympathetic and caring. "Armin we have to bandage you up so you don't bleed out"

"No" he sobbed as he curled in on himself even more. He didn't care if he died, didn't care anymore. "No, please, no".

He cried and sobbed and muttered to himself again and again and again, only noticing the needle that had been stuck in his arm after Eren had pulled it out, whispering an "I'm so sorry Armin" as his vision began to go black, and he passed out with a look of utmost horror on his face as everyone else moved to treat his critical wounds as quickly as possible.

Yeah, sure, it may have been artificial, but that was the first time Armin Arlert had slept properly in twenty one days. Twenty one days he had been gone, subjected to god-awful methods of torture that some couldn't even fathom. He had been broken apart, never to be the same again, he'd never be able to be put back together.

But Eren would sure as hell try, even if he never got the "old Armin" back.


	2. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took wayyyy too long to get to the point in this one too. Sorry if it doesn't meet your expectations. I have one more chapter idea in mind so stick around if you wanna see that I guess?

Over the years, Eren Yeager had learned to trust his gut feeling. He found that whenever he'd feel nervous for no reason, as though something bad was about to happen, or as though something was amiss, he was usually right. Over the years, he also realized that a certain boy named Armin Arlert might just be the human form of his gut feeling, always agreeing with Eren when he felt like something didn't quite add up. This was why, when the Captain had them gathered around a flat tree stump conveniently placed next to camp, and Armins' face suddenly grew nervous and worried, Eren couldn't help but feel the same as well.

Still, when the Captain brushed it off as just anxiety, stared at Armin as though he was overreacting greatly, Eren agreed with him, despite himself. He knew Armin was prone to overthinking and worrying for no reason, so he assured himself it was probably just that, and the reason that he felt so uneasy as well must've been their dark surroundings and the fact that he hated seeing Armin worry. Eren didn't know this at the time, but he should've trusted his gut feeling, should've spoken up and told the Captain he didn't feel all too great about this mission either. However, this was not what Eren did, and so the mission was approved, everyone coming to a unanimous agreement.

He should've listened to his gut feeling when he and Armin reviewed their backstories quietly and his heart dropped. He should've listened to his gut feeling when he kissed Armin like it was the last time they'd see each other, and somewhere deep inside him he almost believed it. He should've listened to his gut feeling when he saw Armin smile and his heart clenched, as though it was the last time he'd see him smiling for a very long time. He should've listened to his gut feeling when Armin mounted his horse and he felt the sudden urge to throw up, should've listened as his stomach lurched the very second they passed through the gate of the district, and not because he was afraid of getting caught. He should've listened because, you see, Erens' gut feeling was right.

Every thought seemed to leave his brain when the Captain gave them the signal, however, everyone spreading out in a different direction. Eren always seemed to be able to clear his mind during missions, the objective ridding him of any thoughts apart from "I have to succeed. I have to succeed so the mission works". He decided he'd focus on attempting to eavesdrop on the soldiers first, and only then attempt to get something out of the civilians, simply because if there was a need to withdraw before night fell, he'd rather get reliable information from the very source rather than some rumors passed between mothers during their daily shopping spree.

He slowly neared the soldiers, moving toward the stall they were stationed next to. Unfortunately, this was a stand that sold jewelry. This might raise some questions, and if he was questioned by anyone other than the owner of the stand, he'd surely be done for, exposing the mission and endangering his comrades. Still, Eren was always one for taking risks, so he quickly thought up a story and approached the stand, eyeing the jewelry as though he'd been looking for something like this all day.

"See something ya like, boy?" the seller asked, and Eren groaned internally. It seemed like he'd have to make use of his story and engage in small talk after all. "Keep in mind it's very hard to steal from here, you won't get a foot away from here before the crowds stop ya even with that hood covering your face. We don't take kindly to thieves over here and we sure as hell know how to spot one, so make sure you have enough to pay for whatever it is you'd like"

Eren turned toward the man, finding his brown eyes to be hostile. Eren took a deep breath and channeled what he like to call "little angel Eren". Little angel Eren sat on his shoulder and gave him the strength to resist the urge to smack people across the face. People like Jean. And also this incredibly stuck-up man. Eren didn't appreciate people telling him he looked poor, even if it was indirectly. He met the mans' hardened brown eyes and softened his own, trying to make himself look as presentable and innocent as possible. _Armin. Think of Armin_. Amongst being the love of his life and the human form of his gut feeling, as well as being the most beautiful person Eren had ever laid his eyes on, Armin was also usually the very thing that helped him channel little angel Eren.

"I assure you, sir, I did not come here to steal, and if you don't mind, I'd like your recommendation". He realized that the man was right. Eren really did look suspicious, as though he was planning to steal something. What with the hood covering the majority of his face, the peculiar choice of stand to look at, as well as obviously not being from the district, and yet not having any companions tagging along with him. Usually, travelers who stopped by the districts to replenish their supplies came in groups, both big and small. And here Eren was, all alone, looking very sketchy indeed. He realized that he definitely looked like someone who'd try to steal one of the incredibly expensive pieces of jewelry to attempt to sell it himself. These things happened quite a lot, so he understood why the man would be wary.

"Ask away" the man said, clearly surprised that Eren had asked him for advice.

"Well, you see, it's my girlfriends' birthday quite soon, and I'm afraid I won't have the time to drop by any other districts before I reach hers if I want to arrive on time, so I simply must get something for her today. She's very fond of necklaces, so I'd like to get her one. Which of your necklaces do you think would suit a girl of around sixteen?" he asked, going along with the story he had made up just before he'd approached the stall. He wasn't exactly lying, Armin really was fond of necklaces. He adored them for some reason Eren didn't quite understand, said they held a meaning to him, especially when they were a gift.

"Do you have a price limit?" the man asked, his eyes becoming slightly more welcoming now.

"Not really... What about that blue one, how much for it?" he asked, knowing that if he stated the amount of money he had on him the man would surely raise the price. He had around eight coins clinking around in the small bag he'd stuffed in his pocket - quite an admirable sum of money, probably enough to feed a small family for a few days. The Captain had given each of them quite enough, just in case they had to stop at one of the stalls if someone had suddenly become suspicious of them. Eren wasn't really planning to buy anything, he'd make up some excuse as to why he'd changed his mind, and take that as an opportunity to walk as close to the soldiers as possible and maybe catch a few seconds of conversation as he passed by. So far, all he'd managed to catch over the bustling of the crowd and his conversation with the man was "brown", "walking", and "not". 

"I'll give you the blue one for two. Usually it'd be more but you seem like a nice young man. Ah, I remember those days, in love and happy and free. Enjoy them while they last, kid" the man answered after thinking a bit.

"Two? That'll get me enough fish to feed my family for a week, all for a necklace? That's much too expensive..." Eren argued, though he did his best to stay polite so the man wouldn't get enraged and make him leave the stand. He was good at multitasking, much to his advantage, and he could easily stretch this conversation on and on while still managing to catch some hints of what the soldiers were saying. The longer he spent standing here and talking to this man, the more information he could get.

"I'm sorry, kid. I already told ya, it should've been higher. I can't do anything for ya. It's either two or you don't get the necklace"

Eren sighed, as though in defeat, catching some more words from the officers standing near him. Something that sounded an awful lot like "definitely", a word that he didn't quite catch, only hearing "...cious", and "alleyway", as well as "accident". He frowned a little, wondering what in the world they could be talking about. It certainly sounded sketchy, that was for sure. 

"Are you sure you can't lower the price, even by a bit?" he asked, looking up at the man and desperately trying to drag this conversation on as much as he could, because the people from the MP on his right were certainly discussing something important. The man shook his head, and Eren sighed once again, about to mutter an apology to the man and walk away from the stand, sensing that he wouldn't be able to drag the bargain on for any longer than this, telling himself he'd find another opportunity to get information, seeing as how MP soldiers were literally everywhere, and so staying here would be absolutely useless. However, just as he was about to do so, he noticed someone standing right next to him, a hand laying on his soldier. His heart leaped into his chest, suddenly beating very very fast, because the soldiers weren't standing at their post next to the wall anymore and _oh fuck they were behind him_.

"You looked very determined to get that necklace, and the stands will be running out quite soon. You said you didn't have a price limit right? So why don't you buy the pretty blue one for your girlfriend? You wouldn't want to show up empty handed after all..." the man standing behind him said, and Eren stiffened as he realized that the soldiers suspected him. They were sure he was suspicious, sure he was a member of the Scouts and that he'd come here only to eavesdrop on them, and so they assumed he'd obviously have no money on him, seeing as he wasn't exactly here to trade. That's where they were wrong. The Captain was one step ahead of them, making them seem as much like normal travelers as possible, and so Eren looked up at the soldier, shielding the fear from his eyes as he said "hmm... I suppose you're right. I will get the necklace. Thank you sir!".

He felt triumph bubble up inside of him as he watched the soldiers' surprised expression, growing even more bewildered as he pulled out two coins from his pocket, setting them on the wooden stand and accepting the blue necklace from the stall owner, shooting both the man and the soldiers a "have a good day!" before attempting to blend in with the crowd once again. Key word - attempted. Just as he was about to turn his back on the soldiers and heave a sigh of relief, grateful that he hadn't been caught, they called out to him.

"Oi, come back here for a second will you?" the brown-haired lady yelled above the loud chatter of the crowd. Eren gulped, his heart leaping into his chest, and frantically went over his backstory in his head, readying himself for questioning. He wasn't exactly worried about getting recognized, Levi had made a point of dyeing his hair to a nearly blond color using lemon juice. Eren never knew that such a simple fruit could completely change his hair color like this, but it was a welcome surprise. Hanji had also apparently taught Levi how to completely change the way his face looked, the Captain dabbing dirt onto his face with a brush and blending it in until his jawline looked sharper and his facial structure looked completely different. Given all this, apart from his eyes he looked like a completely different person, and what with his extensive review of his fake backstory, he was sure he'd be just fine.

"Yes?" he asked as he headed back toward the soldiers.

"Tell me, where are you from?" the lady asked, eyeing his hood intently.

"I'm originally from Jinae, but my family and I have had to resort to travelling and settling down randomly in forests and in houses that are willing to take us in after my father lost his job" he answered, letting his face fall into a small frown as he mentioned his non-existent father. He really could be a good actor if he tried.

"I'm very sorry to hear. Jinae is quite far from here, isn't it? How long ago did your father lose his job?" she continued questioning him, her tone indicating that she wasn't sorry in the slightest.

"Around a year ago, ma'am. We've been wandering around trying to find a family who have a few spare rooms and are willing to take us in, in exchange for help with chores and such. It's quite belittling if I'm being honest..." he trailed off, his cheeks lighting up in shame as he pretended this was all real. Pretended he was actually just a traveler, desperate to find a job, even if it meant working on household chores for hours at a time, with only basic needs and a few coins as pay if he was lucky.

"I see. How in the world did you manage to get such an admirable sum of money if you've barely been surviving off of scraps, as you say?" she continued her interrogation, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

Fuck. She was right. The sum of money the Captain had given him most certainly didn't match his story. He had to come up with something, and he had to do it fast. "My girlfriends parents..." he stopped for a moment, already thinking of a story and pausing as though talking about it brought him great pain. He willed his eyes to well with tears as he continued, "they've been saving up for her birthday. But-" he stopped once again, letting a tear fall down his cheek. "But they've fallen very very ill. Her mother was first, and then the disease spread to her father. It's highly contagious, and they've been weakening by the day. I'm afraid-" he gasped, letting the tears fall down his cheeks freely, "I'm afraid they may not make it to see her birthday, and they most certainly cannot buy her anything in their state. So they asked me to do so for them... I couldn't just choose not to honor what may have been their dying wish now, could I?" he whispered, letting his teary eyes fall to the ground, proud of his performance.

He looked up, only to see a sympathetic look in the stand owners' eyes, and a still skeptic, yet much warmer look coming from the soldiers. "I-I'm sorry" Eren said as he wiped the tears from his eyes. "It's just a difficult topic. She's been a mess lately, and I just wanted to make her happy. I'm glad you convinced me to buy it for her, sir" he looked at the male officer as he thanked him.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you found what you are looking for, and tell your girlfriend we send her our condolences" the male officer said, dragging his accomplice back to their post, though she seemed reluctant to not question him more. Sending a sad smile in the direction of the man who'd sold him the necklace, he then blended back in with the crowd, heaving a sigh of relief. He decided to lay low for a bit, didn't want to attract too much attention toward himself, so he decided simply join the many people watching one of the performers settled throughout the city for now. The girls' singing was loud and clear, the angelic melody being heard even over the buzzing of the crowd, the sound of coins being thrown into the can she had set next to her occasionally reaching his ears.

The next few hours were spent arguing over the price of fish, telling his sob story to yet another soldier who had approached him, earning him a warm hug from a teary mother who had passed by and heard everything, catching a few sentences from the MP about a carriage, an alleyway again, and a brown coat, and buying some kind of sticky pastry from one of the stalls, seeing as how he was practically starving.

As he leaned against the nearest wall, his eyes observing the crowds and planning his next move when suddenly the crowds started going frantic, all rushing toward a specific part of the city. Eren now realized that most of the stalls had now closed, and only a few were left open, and that was surely the cause of the commotion. He smiled a little to himself as he remembered that their mission ended right before the sun set, and since the stalls had already started closing, that would certainly come soon. He'd get to see Armin again soon, get to watch the delighted look on his face as he presented him with the necklace. He truly couldn't wait. 

Suddenly, Eren felt a pang of panic go through him, much like the one he'd felt when the female soldier had called him for questioning, and he looked around frantically, but there were no soldiers in the area. _Strange_ he thought, trying his best to shove the feeling aside. This appeared to be very hard, seeing as how he couldn't quite seem to shake it, despite the fact that nothing really was wrong. He looked around again, now on edge and alert, eager to spot the threat so that this feeling of not knowing what was troubling him would go away already, but he still saw nothing.

He heard someone yell "fuck!" from an alleyway in the distance, and he considered approaching it, considered checking whether this was the source of his newfound unease, but he decided not to get involved. He didn't want to drag attention to himself, and getting involved in a fight or an argument was most certainly a way to do so, and so he'd avoid that at all costs.

"Thieves again?" he heard a lady grumble from a few feet away from him.

"Probably. Must've been something important too if he screamed that loud. It's really turning into the underground here lately..." her friend answered.

Eren took a deep breath, tried to calm down. The ladies were probably right. It was probably just a thief, he had no reason to worry. His gut feeling, however, was telling him otherwise. He still chose to ignore it though, brushing it off as anxiety. It had been a stressful day, and he was probably just letting it all out now that he didn't have to put on a facade. 

He looked up at the sky, mesmerized by the beautiful colors of the sunset. He hadn't gotten to enjoy things like this for a long time, and despite the fact that he was in the middle of a life-threatening mission, he found himself taking a while to just stare at it, to appreciate the pink and the purple and the blue and the orange, all mixing together in order to form one of the most beautiful sights.

Wait.

The sunset?

He realized with a jolt of panic that he had to hurry and get back to the gates, which would prove quite a task, seeing as how he had gotten to the other side of the district, and the streets were crammed with people. He set off, wrapping up the half-eaten pastry and shoving it in his pocket, apologizing to people as he stepped on their toes and feet as he ran, earning him quite a few disapproving looks. He had to get back in time. Had to get back in time or else they'd assume something had happened to him and resort to their last plan - the one where they brought out their ODM gear and searched for whoever had gone missing. Eren most certainly couldn't let them endanger themselves like that, especially not when he was perfectly safe, and so he picked up the pace, apologies spewing from his mouth at a feverish pace as he pushed through the crowd.

This was probably what he had felt so uneasy about before, he reassured himself. It was probably just the feeling that he'd forgotten something - in this case being the fact that he had to get back as soon as possible. Panting, he reached the gate, presented the guards at the gate with the receipts for everything he'd bought today (a necessary security measure, even when the MP weren't looking for a certain group of people), and got to their designated meeting point, looking around as to insure he hadn't been followed.

Slowly, the rest of his squad joined him, Jean and Sasha having met each other on the way to the meeting point and coming together, Connie breathing heavily seeing as how he had sprinted then entire way here, and a few minutes later Mikasa joined them as well. The Captain joined them around a half hour later, sporting a black eye and dragging an unconscious MP officer behind him, muttering about how "they always put up so much of a struggle...". Eren looked around, sure that they were missing something - no, missing some _one_.

"Hey, where's Armin?" he asked, looking around as though his boyfriend was hiding behind someone.

"Dunno" Connie answered, shrugging.

"He'll be back soon, I'm sure. Arlert tends to... overwork himself in order to exceed expectations" Levi reassured him. "He should be getting back soon, though. I was pretty thorough with explaining the dangers of getting locked in the district overnight" he said after a short pause, his tone disapproving.

A half hour passed, and no sign of Armin. Mikasa had started panicking, Connie doing his best to calm her down, seeing as Eren was in a similar state and in no condition to help calm _anyone_ down. Jean was staring off into the distance, as though he thought that if he stared hard enough Armins' blond head would suddenly pop out from behind a tree, screaming "surprise!". Levi kept his usual demeanor, reassuring them all that Armin was probably fine, and that they had no reason to worry. 

Another hour had passed, and at this point Eren and Mikasa were frantic, trying to convince the Captain to go through with their last resort plan (the one that involved the ODM gear), or even to go and search for him, but he disagreed. Even Connie and Jean looked worried, now both staring into the distance, zoned out.

"Please Captain, you have to at least let us search the forest, at least let us try and find him!" Mikasa yelled frantically as she fought back tears.

"We can't afford to split up at night, especially not in the middle of nowhere like this. Arlert most likely got caught up in the crowds and got locked in. He's a smart kid, I'm sure he'll be fine" the Captain answered. After a few minutes had passed and no one had said anything, he sighed before saying "we should head back to camp. If he's locked in the district there's no point in waiting here, and if he somehow manages to make it out and sees that we're not at the spot we agreed to meet at, I'm certain he'll figure out we went back".

Erens' eyes widened in protest, but a glare from the Captain quickly shut him up. His decision was final, he wasn't going to negotiate, and there was absolutely no point in heading off on his own. Armin was, most likely, as Levi had said, trapped in the district, given how easy it was to get lost or delayed in the crowds. They had fully prepared for that possibility. In fact, they had almost accepted it as part of their plan, what with the likelihood that it would happen. Eren wasn't all too worried, they had studied the map of the city, as well as the sewers that laid underneath, and there were enough hiding spots they'd found just in case. Still, there was that lingering uneasy feeling he couldn't quite seem to shake. Something was wrong, and he suspected there was more to it than Armin being locked in the district.

Reluctantly, they all gathered their belongings before making their way toward the camp site, walking in formation after the Captain and the still unconscious MP soldier. They reached the place they had hidden their horses, and continued on horseback until they reached their destination, Levi ordering them to sleep - or at least try - after he bound their hostage to a nearby tree. Eren did try. He really did, but something wasn't quite right. Something was wrong, he could feel it. Something that had to do with Armin. 

He dug the pastry wrapped in a bag out of his pocket, thinking that he'd better eat it before it got spoiled. It was slightly stale since Eren hadn't eaten it right away, but he found that he didn't quite mind. The sweet taste of it took his mind off of everything for a bit, something which he greatly appreciated. He stayed seated on a tree stump near the campsite, one he had conveniently found just as he was looking for a place to sit while eating. He stayed there for a while, his eyes trained on the stars, simply admiring the way they shone, his fingers running over the beautiful blue stone held around the chain of the necklace he had bought earlier. He couldn't wait to give it to Armin, though something inside him told him he might just not be able to.

Armin being captured was most certainly a possibility, a great one at that, especially given his intelligence and reluctance to break rules (there was no way he'd directly disobey orders and attempt to get more information just so he wouldn't turn up empty handed at the cost of getting locked in the district... Right?). However, it seemed that the Captain seemed to want to take the optimistic approach. To assume that Armin was fine. Eren had to admit, he slightly resented him for that. He knew that if it were him, or Jean, or practically anyone else Levi would've been a little more worried. But due to Armins' tendencies to "overwork himself" as he put it - something that Armin quite literally couldn't control - they weren't going to put any effort into finding out if he was actually safe. The realization made tears of frustration rise in his eyes, and he prayed that Armin hadn't been captured, that the Captain was right, that they weren't wasting valuable time in trying to find him as they sat around as though without a care in the world.

He stayed seated on the tree stump, waiting for Armin to miraculously show. He didn't. Eren was tired, exhausted even, but he couldn't sleep. No matter how hard he tried, the uneasy feeling brewing in the pit of his stomach just didn't go away. Before he knew it, the first signs of sunrise could be seen, and he jumped off of the stump, walking over to wake the others, determined to get going as soon as possible.

"Jesus fucking Christ Eren it's like... five in the morning. Let a man rest, will you?" Jean groaned as Eren shook him awake, ignoring the disapproving looks Levi sent him. Eren knew the Captain had seen him keep himself awake all night, not having slept much either himself, as well as having to keep watch on the man from the MP they had captured, despite the fact that Eren had offered to do it himself.

"Get your ass up you lazy shit" Eren said as he shook Jean once more before moving to wake the others.

"I swear, you're like, the clingiest person I've ever met. Can't go a second without your boyfriend can you?" he said as he reluctantly got out of bed.

"Shut up Jean. At least I'm not single _and_ an asshole"

"Will you guys just shut the fuck up for once in your lives. I have a headache and you're not helping" Sasha grumbled as the sounds of their bickering woke her.

"Yeah, sorry Sasha" Jean said as he sent Eren a glare.

Soon enough, everyone was awake, everyone grumbling about their rude awakening at such an early hour - except for Mikasa, who looked as though she hadn't slept a minute (she probably hadn't). They were planning to stay at the meeting spot and wait for a few hours in case Armin showed, and if he didn't they'd assume he'd actually been captured and act accordingly. Hearing the Captain voice that possibility brought some relief to Eren - it wasn't exactly calming that they had reached the point where it was considered, but hearing him acknowledge the fact that it could be possible made Eren a little calmer.

As they went through their morning preparations, the same routine as yesterday, Eren noticed that the man from the MP was conscious. In fact, he was motioning as though he had to say something. "Um... Captain?" Eren asked, turning toward him. "I think he wants to say something".

"He can take whatever he wants to say and shove it up his ass" he replied, not even looking back at Eren. The man started signaling more frantically, and Levi finally looked up, sighing as he reached over and lowered his gag to his chin so he could speak. "Make it quick" he said.

"If I tell you something... Will you spare my life?" he asked, his voice hoarse and voice panicked. Levis' eyebrows raised slightly, obviously surprised at the fact that the man thought they wanted to kill him. He decided to play along with it, fearing that if they revealed they weren't planning to do so in the first place he wouldn't tell them what they needed to know.

"Depends. What is it?" he asked coldly.

"The kid that's missing... the blond one, correct?" he started, his eyes growing panicked at Levis' response. When the Captain nodded, he continued "there was talk, amongst the soldiers that were on duty that day, that there was a kid in a brown coat with his hood always up". He was right. Armin had been wearing a brown coat that day. Eren realized with a panicked jolt that he had heard "brown" amongst the conversation of the MP. They couldn't have... No. They couldn't have captured him. Please don't make them have captured him. "They thought he was suspicious, planned to have a disguised soldier push him into an alleyway, using the rush of the crowd as cover, and capture him. They were sure it was him. Certain, in fact. We spent hours staring at photos of your faces, there's no way they're wrong... He's been captured" he breathed out, looking to the Captain as though he was expecting he'd let him go.

Erens' eyes widened, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Levis' widen too. He couldn't stop himself. He lunged forward at the soldier, grabbing the hem of his shirt and screaming "and you didn't think to tell us this you piece of shit?! Where is he?! What are they doing to him?!". That was all he managed to get out before a boot met his side, sending him flying.

"Calm down Eren. If you kill him we won't be able to get any information out of him" the Captain said, glaring at him. Turning to the man, he spoke again "answer his questions".

"I-I'm not sure where he is. Only the higher-ups know where the torture rooms are" he mumbled, his eyes still wide from Erens' little outburst.

"THE FUCKING _**WHAT**_?!" Eren yelled, lunging at him again, but being held back by Mikasa. 

"Stop it Eren" she whispered in his ear as the man explained how the MP probably wanted information, and Eren noticed her distressed tone. She was obviously worried about Armin as well. "The Captain is right. Please keep it together". He stilled in her arms, and she let go of him when she realized he wouldn't attempt to hurt the man again. She then grabbed his arm and dragged him away, behind a cluster of trees, so they wouldn't be seen. Once they were out of sight, Eren didn't hesitate to bury his head in her shoulder, letting his tears of frustration from before finally spill.

"They-they're torturing him, Mika" he sobbed out. "I fucking knew it. I knew something was wrong. But no one fucking listened to me and now Armins' getting tortured in some far-away Military Police room with all their high-tech bullshit and-" he gasped as his body was overtaken with even more sobs, not even being able to speak anymore.

"Shh, Eren. It's okay. I know" she whispered, tears of her own sliding down her cheeks. "We're going to find him. We will. I promise".

"What if they killed him Mika, what if they did something so horrible to him he broke and now he's dead? What are they doing to him? Why-" he couldn't even finish, the thought of Armins' dead body filling his mind with terrifying thoughts and images.

"I don't know. I wish I knew what they were doing to him, wish I knew where he was. But we'll find him eventually, even if he's over the goddamned sea, I swear we'll find him Eren" she reassured him, though it sounded more like she was trying to reassure herself. "Let's head back now, okay? See what Levi has to say about this" she said, pulling back. Eren nodded, and they headed back toward the others, Jeans' eyes trailing over them with what Eren was sure was sympathy. Jean wasn't heartless, probably knew what it was like to have horrible things done to people he cared about, that's just the way the world was. Sure, he was a jerk, but he wasn't evil, and he now greatly regretted his comment about Erens' clinginess this morning.

Everyone was standing in silence, the man from the MP unconscious once more and Levis' fist looking like it had been through hell and back. His eyes were wide and staring off into the distance, and it was the first time he'd seen this much emotion on the Captains' face ever since he had told him they had to cut his limbs off. This greatly worried Eren. The Captain showing emotion was never a good sign. He cleared his throat and looked up before speaking "Arlert is in a gated district around a ten days' journey from here if we want to avoid getting caught. It's a district reserved for secret facilities including-" he gulped, "including the torture chambers. He said Arlert was probably being held in the main one, the chamber in the center of the district, the one with the most security. I've sent for Hanji, she'll be here by the afternoon. When she comes we'll devise a plan and set out as soon as possible" he finished, his tone close to a whisper.

"What do you mean afternoon?! Armin's being tortured in some facility and you tell us to fucking **wait**?! No way in hell am I waiting for Hanji to get here" Eren yelled as he rose to his feet in anger.

"If we don't come up with a proper plan we'll get him killed. I-it's better to wait and have him suffer longer than to have him die on us. I'm sorry, Eren" the Captain said, walking off the second he finished, leaving Eren to stare after him in disbelief. Next thing he knew, he was crying again, tears leaking down his face as his friends stared at him with nothing but concern and sympathy etched into their faces.

"Eren..." Sasha started, but Eren cut her off.

"No! The fucking bastard knows Armin's getting god knows what done to him and he's sitting here and _waiting_?!"

"He might be right though, Eren. Without a proper pla-"

"Fuck the stupid plan! Last time he had a "plan" Armin got assaulted, and now he's... he's-" he couldn't finish his sentence one again, dropping onto the ground with his head in his hands, his tears wetting his palms. "I-I told him" he choked out, "I told him something was wrong, that we should search for him, but he said he was fine. I fucking told him, and he didn't listen and now Armin's probably dead or dying in some white room, covered in blood and god fucking knows what else. Armin fucking told him he didn't feel right about this plan, and look what happened".

He felt a hand on his shoulder. _Mikasa_. Oh, how he was grateful for her, especially during times like this. She was always there for him, and he appreciated her more than anything in the world. Well - almost. "It's okay, Eren" she said, and Eren had to fight the urge to yell, to scream, to tell her that it was most certainly not okay. But he couldn't take out on her, she didn't deserve that. So he simply sobbed harder, feeling his nose run and his shoulders shake. "It'll be fine. Hanji will come and we'll come up with a good plan, and we'll save him, I promise" she reassured him, and Eren found himself listening to her, his tears stopping completely a few minutes later.

Mikasa was right. Hanji came even sooner than expected, her eyes widening and sending worried glances to Eren and Mikasa as Levi explained to her what had happened. "He's-" she trailed off, her eyes wide and horrified.

"Yes. He's being tortured for information" the Captain answered.

"Fuck" she breathed, slowly sinking to the ground in shock.

"Hanji-"

"No, Levi. Let me think" she snapped at him. This scared Eren as well. The one thing worse than seeing Levi being emotional was seeing Hanji snap at someone.

A few hours passed, and then a few more, and Hanji still stayed in her position in the ground, her head in her hands and her eyes focused as she stared at the map of the district, turning over to ask the MP soldier questions from time to time. Around two hours in, Levi had ordered them to get something done, told them that just sitting around in silence won't help anyone, and so they each spread out to do something or other, Eren and Mikasa taking turns reassuring each other when the thoughts became too much and the tears began to flow.

Eren didn't sleep that night. How could he? How could he sleep when the person he cared most about was somewhere being put through endless agony? Buried so deep in his own thoughts, he was surprised when he heard hints of conversation, and even more surprised when he realized he could actually process it, his expression growing bewildered as he realized what was going on.

"Levi?" he heard Hanji say, and he stilled as he pretended to sleep, wanted to see how this would play out. "Levi, look at me, will you?"

A sniffle from who he assumed was Levi, and a gasp from Hanji.

"Fuck, Levi, are you okay?"

"No Hanji I'm not fucking okay. I-I let something horrible happen to him under my command, _again_..." a pause. "He told me Hanji. He told me he didn't feel quite right about this plan and I-I went through with anyway" Levi stuttered, and Eren realized that he was _crying_.

"It's not your faul-"

"'Yes it is!" he snapped. "It's my fault. He's getting tortured over there, and they already know so much information about us he may be dead already. They know all his weaknesses Hanji. **Every**. **Single**. **One** ".

"Stop taking responsibility for everything, Levi. You couldn't have seen it coming, and don't even try to tell me you could. Armin simply had a gut feeling, and you weren't wrong to doubt it. It was the only plan you had at the moment, and the boy really does let his thoughts get the better of him sometimes"

More silence, another pause, longer this time.

"He reminds you of Erwin doesn't he?" Hanji asked him quietly, and that was when it appeared that Levi broke. It was the first time Eren had ever heard the Captain cry, and he was even more shaken up when he let out a _sob_. "Yeah I thought so. Whenever you look at him it's almost... pained". Another pause, filled only by Levis' quiet sobs. When he started hyperventilating, Hanji spoke again:

"Shh, Levi. It's okay. It's alright. We'll get him back, don't worry".

Eren listened intently as Hanji worked on calming him down, much like he and Armin or he and Mikasa would. He suddenly came to the realization that the Captain wasn't heartless. He was just as affected by Armins' capture as the rest of them. He regretted screaming at him earlier, regretted ever thinking that Levi didn't care because he knew he did. And he always would, even if he didn't show it.

When Hanji finally called them to gather around the next day, Eren nearly cried out of relief. He could hardly listen as she explained the plan - which involved them ambushing MP soldiers on one of the paths they patrolled and forcing them to get them into the district, as well as get them close to the chamber and show them a way out - too caught up in his thoughts and in just how absurd this plan seemed.

"I know it's risky... But it's the only chance we've got. Questions?" she finished, looking up from the map spread out before them. When they all shook their heads, she nodded and continued "well then we have no time to lose. We have to get to the path before sunrise, so we'd better set out now". The very second she finished her sentence they all hurried, packing their supplies as fast as they could, mounting their horses and leaving the site without even a trace of their camp left behind.

The first part of the mission was a success. It was simple - almost too simple. They ambushed the MP men from the trees, and Levi and Hanji had their blades to their throats in no time, making them surrender without a problem. They agreed surprisingly easily, it only took a few well-placed kicks and punches to get them to cave and reluctantly agree to help them. The travel to the district itself went by smoothly as well, though they had to reroute because of an unexpected hole in the trail they were planning to use - probably from one of the titan attacks.

Eventually, they reached the district twenty days later, getting through security without a problem. It seemed that it was very very easy to get missions done when you had enemy people on your side. They were led to the facility, the men warning them that this was as far as they went, and hesitantly wishing them luch before explaining how to exit the district undetected and going on their way.

Eren shuddered at the pristine, white halls, hated the way the light hurt his eyes and the small droplets of blood on one of the walls that someone had obviously missed while cleaning. They reached the wooden door that lead to the chamber, and Levi nodded - the signal they'd agreed on - and kicked down the door, Erens' comrades immediately overpowering the six men in the room. All except for Eren.

Because, you see, the very second Levi kicked down the door Eren was met with one of the most horrible sights he had ever had to witness. There, laying on the inclined table, was his boyfriend, with a cloth over his face and a cup held by a stand of some sort pouring water all over him as he wriggled and writhed, spasming as though he was having a seizure. Snapping out of his daze, he practically sprinted toward Armin, his heart breaking as he heard his boyfriends' pitiful sobs. Eren knew that Armin had a horrible fear of drowning, so this was probably the worst method they could've possibly used on him. Armin loved the ocean, don't get me wrong, but drowning wasn't exactly his desired way of death. It wasn't exactly the water he was afraid of, it was the helplessness, being unable to breathe as the panic drags more and more water into your lungs until your head spun and your entire body ached.

He yanked the cup out of the stand, throwing it against the wall and hearing it shatter. Still, even as the water stopped, Armin didn't stop crying. Eren vaguely wondered just how long they'd been at this, but then Armin spoke, and Eren thinks his very soul shattered into a million tiny pieces.

 _"No, wait, please don't do anything else. Please. I can't do it-I can't do it anymore. Please stop. Please. I can't take it. It hurts too much, please stop please. I promise I won't tell anyone just let me go. Please just let me go, stop it please. I don't wanna do it again. Please no more"_ he sputtered and rambled, and Eren was crying. Eren was crying harder than he'd ever cried before because Armin was suffering and he could've done nothing to stop it. He finally found the button to let him up and pressed it frantically, and as Armin rolled onto the floor, no strength left in his body like some rag doll, he watched, horrified, as he began to throw up mouthful after mouthful of just pure water, coughing and sputtering and sobbing for all he was worth, his shoulders shaking.

He then looked up, and Eren thought he saw a hint of relief, a hint of recognition in those blue eyes before Armin curled into a ball with his forehead resting on the floor, crying even harder - out of relief or something else entirely Eren wasn't sure. "Armin?" he tried to speak, his voice wavering. "Armin can you look at me please baby?". He tried again and again, asking him questions, cooing reassuring words at him, telling him that he was safe, but he didn't respond. It was only then that he noticed the worrying amounts of blood spewing from Armins' stomach, his hand covering the wound.

"Armin, sweetheart can you please show me your stomach? I promise I won't hurt you. You're safe now, it's just me" he whispered as he put his hand on Armins' shoulder to catch his attention. Big mistake.

_"No! No! Don't touch me! No no no no no no no no no..."_ Armin shrieked as he flinched away from the touch, scrambling back in a panic and curling into a ball again when his back hit the wall. Erens' eyes widened, horrified. What had these sick men done to him, what had damaged Armin so horribly he though _Eren_ , of all people, was a threat. 

"Fuck, Armin" he breathed as his boyfriends' heartbreaking sobs echoed throughout the room. 

"Armin" he heard the Captain start from behind him, his tone hesitant and careful. "Armin we have to bandage you up so you don't bleed out". 

"No" he screamed, somehow curling his body into an even tighter ball. "No, please no" he begged, shaking his head from in between his knees. 

Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and the Captain handed him a syringe, looking pointedly toward the crying boy. It took a minute for Eren to realize what was in the syringe. _Sedatives_. Erens' initial thought was _no way in hell am I drugging my boyfriend_ , but as he saw just how much Armin was bleeding, he decided to comply. Sedating him was better than him dying, that was for sure. 

Taking a deep breath, Eren made his way toward the blond, sticking in the needle in his arm, surprised when Armin didn't flinch away (maybe he didn't feel it?), whispering an "I'm so sorry Armin" as he passed out onto the ground, his body limp and lifeless, his wound bleeding freely, a look of betrayal and horror evident on his face. 

The very second Armin hit the floor, everyone was on him, Mikasa and Sasha handing Eren the stitches kit and pressing towels to his wounds to try and stop the bleeding. Once they'd managed to do that, Eren started stitching them up, making sure not to mess anything up or make any mistakes while Levi and Hanji scanned over his body for any critical wounds they might have missed, the rest getting ready to get the hell out of here. Once he'd finished, he looked over his boyfriends' body himself, horrified to find badly broken bones, bruises that were so dark they were almost black, around twenty deep cuts all over his body and at least five smaller ones, as well as what looked horribly similar to a burn mark. His mind spun as he imagined what Armin had been put through this last month. 

"Eren" he heard the Captain speak from behind him. "Critical wounds done?" he asked, and when Eren nodded, he continued, "then let's get the fuck out of here. We'll treat him on the way back and at HQ". 

Eren then lifted Armin, carrying him bridal-style so as not to hurt his broken ribs, and then they set off, using the exit the MP soldiers had described to them, finding that, to their relief, they were telling the truth. The underground passageway lead right outside the gates of the district, the carriage they'd been promised waiting for them. 

Eren couldn't do much during the ride back to HQ, seeing as how their supplies were awfully limited. What he could do, though, was scan over his body again and again and figure out a plan of action. Armin was severely malnourished, and Eren doubted those awful men had given him any more food than the amount that was required simply to keep him conscious and breathing. His ribs were showing, sticking out in a most ghastly way. He was obviously dehydrated as well, his lips chapped and his skin was dry. He was covered head to toe in bruises and cuts and burns, his once pale skin littered with sickly colors of all kind. His eyes were sunken and he looked incredibly exhausted. So incredibly exhausted. The bags under his eyes were so dark they looked like black eyes at this point, and Eren would've even considered the possibility if his face wasn't so sunken. It was like Armin had changed, like he wasn't really Armin anymore. Eren knew he had changed, knew he'd probably never be the same. He didn't care. He'd love Armin with all his heart, he'd help him heal, help him get his strength back and trust again, even if he never really got the "old Armin" back. He was just glad he was alive.

The next few days were absolutely horrible. Armin had to be sedated nearly twenty four-seven, kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs whenever someone tried to go near him. He had to be forcefully fed liquid food the first few days, seeing as how he was close to dying of malnutrition and anything solid he managed to get down his throat would come right back up. His wounds were horrible to look at, and even more horrible to treat. He constantly had at least two tubes in his arms, dripping water into his veins.

Eren would never forget the time he'd approached the boy with a cup of water. His eyes widened in fear, and suddenly he was frantically scrambling back in his bed, screaming at the top of his legs and begging Eren to _"please no! Please not again! I promise I'll be good, I'll tell you whatever you want to know! Please don't do anything! Please! I can't take it anymore! No!"_ , thrashing around so much the stitches on his stomach tore apart. Eren stared at the mess his boyfriends had turned into in complete shock, only regaining his composure when the Captain barged in the room with a syringe and somehow managed to plunge it into the writhing boys' arm, making him still almost immediately.

Eren would never forget the look on Armins' face as he was sedated. Would never forget the way he'd lay in bed, breathing softly, his eyes far far away. He'd never forget the words he'd whispered to him as he sat by his bed day and night, not even sure if Armin heard him, telling him how much he loved him, telling him he was safe, that he was okay now, that he'd never have to go through that again. He told him how grateful he was that he was alive, told him about the necklace he had bought for him (though that was the last thing on his mind at the moment), told him how much he was glad that he was here with him, reassured him that he could heal at his own pace, telling him that he'd be right by his side the entire time.

Something that Eren would surely never forget however, was something that had happened around two months after they had gotten him back. He had progressed a lot by that time, standing up from his bed, walking around the house, not getting as triggered at the sight of cups. He even let Eren set him in the bath once, and although the water was incredibly shallow, it was still something. Eren had been in the kitchen, spreading something or other on a piece of bread he had wanted to eat for breakfast. Armin entered the kitchen quietly, reaching into the cabinet for a cup. He only drank from glasses that weren't clear - they reminded him of the ones that had been used while he was being waterboarded. "Do you want some water?" Eren asked, turning around, the knife still in hand. Big mistake. Big, horrible, mistake.

Armin took one look at the knife, and suddenly he was flinching away from Eren backing away into the wall as the cup dropped out of his hand, shattering on the ground. His eyes got that glazed-over look he got when he was having a flashback and he suddenly started babbling incoherent words under his breath, mumbling and babbling incoherent words under his breath, suddenly flinching as he hit the wall and started sobbing, still wincing as though he was in pain.

_Fuck. Armin was having a pain flashback_

"Captain!" Eren called out, waiting for him to come rushing through the door with a syringe like he always did, and catch the sobbing boy in his arms as he passed out. Soo enough, he did just that, carrying him off toward his room.

"Eren?" he heard a voice ask from behind him. Mikasa. "Eren what happened?"

"Pain flashback" he muttered, his eyes welling up with tears of their own. What kind of monster causes his own boyfriend a pain flashback? What the fuck was wrong was him?

"He looks at me like he doesn't even recognize me anymore, Mika" he said as he finally let the tears run down his cheeks, and Mikasa immediately gasped and engulfed him in a hug.

"I promise he does. He's still Armin. He's just been through a lot. He's healing, Eren, and you have to give it time. I promise he'll start speaking again soon, and not just when he's screaming when he has episodes. He'll get better and better and eventually he'll be fine again. He'll get through it, we'll all get through it, I promise. It'll get better, just give him time. He's been doing so well already, did I tell you he didn't freak out when Sasha forgot to use the colored cups in the cabinet and used the clear one instead?" she asked, and that made Eren feel a whole lot better if he was being honest. She then pulled back, and Eren gave her a nod, calming down considerably. She was right. They just had to give him time, let him heal and be there for him when needed. 

"Thank you, Mika" he said, before setting off toward Armins' room.

When he finally got there, he was met with an unusual sight. Armin was laying in bed, his eyes staring off into the distance as his chest rose and fell. That wasn't what was weird though. What was weird was that the Captain was staring at him intently, a few tears escaping his eyes.

"Um... Captain?" Eren asked, "are you alright?"

"I regret everything" he whispered softly. "I wish I hadn't made him follow through with that plan that day. I wish I would've listened to you when you told me something was wrong and we should go after him" he then lifted his head up and, wiping the tears from his eyes, he walked out of the room. Eren heard his conversation with Hanji that night, one that was very similar to the one they'd had around two months ago. He couldn't help but pace the halls at night when Armins' glazed-over expression became all too much for him to bear, and he simply happened to overhear.

Another thing that Eren was certain he'd never forget was when Armin had spoken for the first time in months. Yeah, sure, he screamed and pleaded and begged when he had flashbacks, but that didn't count. The first words he'd said were when they were sitting around the table, something that hadn't happened in quite a while. Soft chatter and the clinking of forks were the only sounds that could be heard, but all went silent when a small, weak, "can someone pass the salt please" was uttered from the blond-haired boy. "Mhmm" Levi nodded, sliding it over as he was the first one to recover from the initial shock of hearing Armin speak. He couldn't conceal the almost giddy look in his eyes, though, and Eren thought that it was the proudest he'd ever seen him. It was the first time Eren was glad to see so much emotion on his face.

Levi really did help a lot, coaxing Armin through his flashbacks and panic attacks in a way that Eren didn't know how, calming him down without physical touch and speaking calming words that seemed to make him settle instead of freak out even more. He dealt with all the hard situation, all the times when they had to restrain him, or sedate him, or anything else like that. It seemed like he knew what to do, and Eren had to remind himself that he probably had experience with these sorts of things.

The very last thing that Eren would never forget were the times that Armin would come into his room at night, and simply sit there, on the floor, a good few feet away from his bed, and just sit there and cry. The Captain said it was because his emotions were easier to deal with in a comforting, familiar place, and despite himself, Eren felt honored that his room was Armins' safe space. 

There was one time in particular that stood out though. It was around eleven o'clock, and suddenly, Erens' door barged open, revealing a crying blond. _His_ crying blond. He sat up on his bed, expecting Armin to find a comfortable spot on the floor and just sit there, but Armin did no such thing. Instead, he slowly, hesitantly, climbed onto Erens' bed, and oh how _overjoyed_ Eren felt in that moment because _oh god he had missed this_. He was even more surprised when Armin slowly moved to straddle his lap, burying his head in Erens' shoulder, and moving Erens' hand toward his hair, his sobs stuttering as Eren started running his fingers through it gently. 

"I missed you, Eren" he sobbed out, "I missed you so much".

"I missed you too, angel" he whispered, and Armins' body stiffened. "Oh my god I'm sorry Armin, is angel not okay?" he frantically rambled, afraid he'd ruined it. He still remembered the time he'd called Armin pretty and the boy had proceeded to promptly throw up all over his shoes.

"No, angel is fine it's just... been a while" Armin said back, still crying.

Eren held him close, running his fingers through his hair and up and down his back, feeling the scars that still remained there. "Thank you" he whispered softly. "Thank you for trusting me enough to do this".

"I'm so sorry Eren, I'm sorry I've been so distant"

"No, baby. No need to be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry about. I'll love you all the same, even if you're distant, and I'll be right here by your side every step of the way. I'm never letting you go again. I love you so much, Armin. So, so much" he did his best to reassure and calm the sobbing boy, felt the way his chest heaved and his shoulders shook.

Eren held him the rest of the night, whispering things like "I love you so much Armin. You're okay now. You're safe. I promise", and "Shh, sweetheart, you're alright. There's no need to cry. You're so strong baby", and also "Come to me whenever you want angel. I'm right here for you, always, I promise. Nothing is more important to me than you are", as well as "You've been doing so well lately angel. You've made so much progress and I'm so so proud of you. Shh, you're gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be okay, I promise baby". 

That night, Armin let Eren slide the necklace onto his neck, his eyes widening in happiness when he saw the pretty blue stone. It was the happiest Eren had seen him in a while, and Eren shared that feeling. Armin was healing. It would take a while, and it would even be painful at times, but he was healing. He was doing better, he was letting the people he cared about put them back together, and he was doing his best to get better for himself... and also maybe a little bit for them. Eren was right - everything would be alright in the end, and everyone would stay by his side throughout the whole process, throughout all the ups and downs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this. So so much. I've also come to the conclusion that executing a torture method on myself yesterday was a horrible idea. Anyways I'm fucking exhausted, and I think I might take a little break (not very long, just a few days), before I write the next chapter because I feel like I'm overworking myself (you know, with all this brain surgery bullshit). 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading, and for your support, it's all very much appreciated! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Did I actually waterboard myself so I could write this with experience? ...Maybe.  
> Was it horrible? Absolutely.  
> Did I last more than twenty seconds before I caved? No
> 
> !PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO WATERBOARD YOURSELF I'M JUST AN IDIOT BITCH IF YOU TRY TO DO THAT YOU CAN PASS OUT AND THEN YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP THE WATER AND YOU WILL DIE PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!
> 
> Support is appreciated, sorry if you hate this, and I promise I'll get the other chapter out as soon as possible :)


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